We're all animals... so get your claws out!

I'll be back :) xx

I ain't got the time, and if my daddy thinks I'm fine...

The last time I made a post mentioning my weight it was the first time I'd bought a set of scales for years, and I weighed around 13 stone.  I had been going to the gym, but then not long after I bought the scales, the problems with bf started and I was going backwards & forwards between here in Edinburgh & my friends & mum & dad in Glasgow, that I didn't have time for the gym, and I actually haven't been for about 2 months I think :-/ BUT during my bf troubles, I was so sad and stressed that I was hardly eating, and now when I jump on the scales, I weigh 12 stone.  I know that the way I lost this weight wasn't the best way, but I can't say I'm not happy about it :) and since things have got better and I'm not feeling sick all the time any more, my stomach has shrunk so I'm not eating as much as before anyway!  Result all round I think.  I still haven't been back to the gym but I have taken up running.  People always seem to lose loads of weight running so I'm giving it a go.  I'm going running with a friend from work tomorrow.  Bit scared about that because I think she's a lot fitter than me but it'll be good to have some company :) eventually I'd like to go running every other day, and the days in between, do something at the gym.


It's payday on Friday and I cannot wait to go shopping to buy some new clothes for my new job :) I have made plans to meet my friend in Glasgow to go shopping, then we're going for a nice lunch, then we're heading to a friend's flat with a few others to get a holiday booked, woo-hoo :)


Speaking of my job...... I knew that I was getting a tiny pay-rise with it, but today I heard I might get a slightly bigger pay-rise, which would be amazing :) I am just waiting to hear if it will be agreed.  Fingers crossed! :)


It's another lovely day today and bf & I are off work :-D we are off to the cinema this afternoon after spending a lazy morning in bed.  We're going to see the new Ewan McGregor film, I can't remember what it's called!


This is another photo I took at Newhaven :) ♥

Yeah you know that I'm not good...

I'm not even sure I want to write about what happened because I think it will hurt, and I am just meant to be trying to forget about it and move on, get over it.  I chose to stay with him so I have to make the effort to not bring it up all the time, right?


He didn't cheat on me, it wasn't that bad but it was cold, and horrible and I didn't think he was capable of it.  Anyway, really don't want to go on about it at the moment.


Can't believe Amy Winehouse is dead!  I know that she was a bit of a junkie and liked a drink, but I really loved her music and even though she kinda messed herself up I thought she was beautiful.  The only good thing is that the music channels are playing a lot of her videos which are great to see & hear.


Yesterday I started running. I found this Couch to 5K course to follow and I just did the first one yesterday.  It probably wasn't the best day to start as it was absolutely scorching but I just thought there was no time like the present and headed down to the park with my iPod & water bottle.  Afterwards I just lay on the grass in the sun for ages, listening to my iPod, it was bliss.  I aim to run every other day, and the days in between maybe go to the gym to do something else.  I didn't do that today but I will!


Absolutely cannot wait to start my new job.  I think it will help me in so many ways!  Still probably got about 3 weeks to go though.


Ah well, at least I know it's coming! 


Oh, and I took this lovely photo yesterday at Newhaven, after we had dinner at Prezzo :) xx

It's been a while!

Just skimmed over that last blog post.  I forgot I had even written about that.  Well after that things went downhill fast and we almost split up twice,  was bad times "dark times Harry" ha ha.  


We didn't split up in the end and I'm just trying to get back to normal now.  I'm finding it harder than him I think but I'll get there. *sigh* xxx

Be easy, dont make decisions when you're mad...

I actually think I have had a mini breakdown over the last couple of weeks.  Honestly, something has been up.  I had a little situation (argument?) about something with my bf 2 weeks ago today, and even though we made up after it, I felt really sad the rest of the day, and this actually went on for the following 2 weeks :( lots of things happened that upset me, but it was the fact that I go so upset by them that worried me, and just couldn't break out of this horrible, horrible feeling of being so down, and like I could cry at any moment.  Also not enjoying anything, and being so worried.  Bf noticed of course, and it upset him.  So that just added to my own sadness.  I do feel a bit better today.  I am thinking it could be something to do with my periods, because for the first week I was sad, I Was due, so it could of been PMS.  But the 2nd week, I actually had my period, and I thought that PMS was supposed to fade once you actually got the period?  I don't know.  I had been on the Pill for years, and a good few months ago I came off it for other reasons.  Ever since then every month has been different with my period.  Like last month, I had virtually no PMS, no pain, and no warning really, and it was lighter.  Then this month I had the above... and some pain and it was really heavy.  I had made an appointment to see the doctor to go back on the Pill before all this happened, and the appointment just happens to be tomorrow, so I will mention it to the doctor.  If it wasn't PMS, I have no idea why I've been so sad.  Either way I just hope something can be done.


One of the things that has upset me, was bf's new social life.  I know how bad this sounds and how bad it makes me sound but this is how I felt.  He got a promotion at work which is brilliant, and is now the manager of a team of 3 (including him) he has one girl who is a couple of years younger than me, and one man who is a bit older, he is in his early 30's.  I've known them both for a while because we work in the same office on a Monday & Friday.  He didn't know them before.  He also has a wider team of another 3 people.  One girl who is a year older than me (his manager) and another guy (gay) and a woman who is a bit older.  They are all lovely people.  But I have to admit, I've been feeling jealous :( I'm ashamed to admit it but I have.  Jealous on more than one level.  I've been jealous that he is going to be working so closely with this girl, the younger one, let's call her MW.  I know because they will have the same kind of relationship that I had with my old manager, GM.  Completely innocent, but for some reason, I've been unable to handle the fact that they will be as close as me & GM were.  I know that's stupid.  1. because it was all innocent and 2. because I've done it as well.  Just have a horrible feeling.  Also jealous because he has such a fun team!  They have nights out aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the time.  I mean the wider team.  And good for them.  I just wish my team were as fun.  We both moved here to Edinburgh together.  We've lived here for about a year & a half.  I've had a few friends, a few nights out.  He hasn't really.  So now that he is, I wonder if it is just because there has been a change that I feel so uneasy, and that I'll soon get used to it.  While I've had a few friends and nights out, I feel lonely here.  It's only been a few nights out and I don't have proper friends.  The only people I really see here are work people & bf.   But now that he is going out a lot, I guess I feel I have to meet people and get out myself.  To try and do this, I got in touch with an old school friend who has also moved to Edinburgh, and we're meeting for a drink on Tuesday night.  We were hardly even friends at school but I'll take anything at the moment, the way I'm feeling.  Also I am going to apply for a part time bar job down the road.  I have a busy job as it is but a bar job would help me meet people, right?  And it would get me out the house.  I miss my friends in Glasgow so much and I go back and see them as much as I can but I've got to make some friends here too.  It doesn't look like I'm moving back to Glasgow any time soon.


I'm sure I would of had all these feelings anyway, but I think they've been magnified by my little bout of depression, whatever brought that on.  Will definitely say to the doctor about it.


Oh and also, bf & I have worked in the same area since we moved here, but normally on a Monday, Tuesday & Friday, we work in different offices, and on a Wednesday & Thursday we worked in the same office, but he was round the corner from me so we didn't see too much of each other.  But now, Monday, Tuesday & Friday we are in the SAME office and he just sits a few seats behind me, and in the office we're in on a Wednesday & Friday, again he is just a few seats behind me!  And I hate it! :( I think it's bad to see too much of each other and also, I hear him & his team having a laugh etc and I feel more jealous.  It is so bad of me, because I know even when he was round the corner from us he would be able to hear me & GM.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Hopefully these feelings go away soon.  


IN OTHER NEWS...


Got an invite to my cousin's wedding in Northern Ireland :) It's for the full day and I'm really looking forward to going over and seeing everyone.


Things are better with me & bf because I am feeling better.  Hoping this continues, because we don't usually have problems, and this problem I really think is solely because of how I've felt.  Here's hoping the doctor can enlighten me about it! xx


JLo & LL Cool J - All I Have

Forget about the sugar, have a spoonful of me...

Cramp cramp cramp cramp cramp.


That's what my morning has been all about.  Honestly this has been the worst period ever and it's not even over yet.  Since last Sunday I've felt totally depressed.  Then I got the actual period on Sunday there, and thought it would lift, and maybe it did slightly but it's definitely still here.  And so is the cramp from hell.  It's so bad that I've texted my boss and asked if I can come in a bit later this morning :-/


Go awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!


xx

Dance to the beat of my drum...

Ok so I took the plunge today and bought a set of scales.  I always say I don't care about my weight, only what I look like.  But I've been going to the gym for about a month now and I thought it would be good to be able to keep track of my weight loss.  Also, some of the machines at the gym ask for your weight and I never know!  So I knew I would weigh lots more than I used to but I weighed myself this evening and got the horrible truth...... just under 13 stone.  Pretty much exactly!  I know you're meant to weigh yourself in the morning n all that but it'll only be a couple of pounds of a difference.  Well that's quite heavy I think and I also think I will have lost a little bit already.  Well I'll just have to keep going!  I will weigh myself in the morning and get my true weight.

I've had the worst PMS of my life this week.  It's been over a week now, 8 days.  I've been so depressed.  With no good reason.  I have my period now and so I thought it would lift but it's still lingering :( xx